2nd day after breaking up

I tossed and turned in bed last night. I woke up completely without snoozing my alarm. I felt heavy, dreadful and sorrowful. I burst into tear again. I quickly wiped off my tear and get ready to work. When I reached office, my emotions began to overwhelm me. My tear shredded, luckily nobody saw it. I quickly sat down and closed eyes. I tried to take a deep breath and breathe slowing. I remind myself that I am working now, don't let this affect you. After awhile, it helped me to reset my mind. We took a grabcar and went out for lunch since today is Friday. Even through they didn't know I had broken up with my bf,but their existence made my day. Laughter from them really lifted me up from the sadness. I know I am going to be ok and it's just take time to heal. Appreciate my dear colleagues. I am going not to think about you and reset my mind. I am not going go to bed with sadness tonight. I must forget you completely. Hope tomorrow will be a good day.

1st day of your leaving

I felt emptiness when I woke up. I hope it was a bad dream but apparently it was not. I still can feel the sorrowfulness of yesterday. My tears shredded. I wanted to cry when I was having my breakfast but I have to hold it so that my mom won't notice. I quickly get ready to go to work. When I was in my car, I started to bawl. Those memories of you kept flashing through my mind. Every single word that you had said and every promise you made was so clear. You foreseen that our relationship can be worked out. I trusted it for once and I was truly disappointed, I felt angry, depress and sad. But I got nobody to reach out. I pretended nothing had happened to me. I great everyone I saw, I talked to them as usual and work like usual. But I still can't rid of you out of my mind and my eyes start watering. I wanted to punch something, I wanted to throw something and I wanted to year all the papers but I kept telling myself just focus on my work and don't show to others. I tried to control my breathing and took a deep breath. Just wanted to let you know it's very hurt. I was bawling in my car again after work. I just felt sad. I'd be lying if I said I was totally okay with this. I think you're awesome. I want you to have a happy life. I hope I can still be a part of it somehow, even if we aren't together. The truth is that I am sad now, but I'm going to be okay. I'm going to miss you.

The day you decided to pull-out

I suddenly received your message saying that you wanted to pull out from our relationship. It was a very long message and the minutes I finish reading, I stunned and my hands were shaking but the wall clock showed only 4.30pm. I still have 30mins to finish my work and I kept telling myself to breathe breathe breathe and focus on my work. I wanted to cry, I can't function but I kept telling myself not now not now. The minutes the clock showed 5pm,i quickly punch out and rush to my car. I totally mental broke down and start bawling. I re-read and re-read the message but I couldn't type a word to reply. I just kept crying and crying in the car. I felt hurt, angry, and confused. An hour later, I decided not to go home with my current condition so I drove to a cafe. Before I get out from my car, my tear just couldn't stop from flowing out. I broke down in tear again in my car for another hour. Once I got better, I walked into the cafe and ordered a drink and work with my laptop. My mind just couldn't stop thinking about him and I wanted to cry again. But I hold it for few hours. When the night was getting late, I left the cafe and cried along the way home. My must not let my mom to see my face so I quickly rush to my room and locked myself up. I kept thinking how to reply his message during shower. We experienced so much together, and I'm grateful for what we had. I still care about you a lot and it will make me sad to see you go. I don't completely understand why, but I understand that you don't want to be together anymore, and that makes me really sad. I know I'm going to be okay but it hurts a lot right now. After retype and retype the message, I decided to keep my message short, grateful on what he had done for me and respect his decision. Just before pressing the send button, my heart was really hurt, I can feel the pressure pressing against my heart and I felt transient shortness of breath. I know this is a goodbye message and I have to let you walk away from my life. SEND. I collapsed in my bed. I didn't think that this would be happening. I wish I were a part of your future, but I can't make you change your mind. I wanted to stay together. But you don't feel the same way. I just want to tell you one last time that I do love you and I want only the best things for your life. Goodbye!